Rules are the guidelines by which the home operates. They are intended to govern the behavior of all who live in the home. They are statements as to how the child and parents should act under what circumstances.

Rules, consistently enforced, set the climate for children to grow and learn. A household needs some long term rules that are in effect for months or perhaps years, to establish a consistent environment, responsibility, predictability, and safety. Clear limits help a child feel safe. Household chores teach responsibility.

The more practical way to use rules is to write them out and post them. When rules are written out and posted they serve to remind the child of what the rules are and what is expected, and they remind the parents to be consistent in responding to rule breaking behavior and rule keep behavior. Have all parties sign the rules.

There are several important things to remember about rules:

1. A rule needs to be clearly defined and specific so that the child understands what is expected. Small children need concrete steps clearly outlined to complete a task satisfactorily.
   
   
2. The rule must be reasonable, considering the child's age, ability, and feelings. Busy work is seen as unimportant by the child. Make the task important and something that needs to be done. A teenager needs to feel the rule is not too restrictive.
   
   
3. A rule must be enforceable. The enforcement can be by a time limit, by seeing that the task is done, or by giving the child the responsibility of abiding by the rule he helped to define. The parent needs to be sure he is willing to check to see the task performed or to invoke the consequences stated in the rule. "Your bed is to be made before you go to school" means that the parent must be willing to let the child suffer the consequences of being late to school. "Dinner is at 6:00" means the parent must be willing to let the child miss a meal in testing the rule. Parents need to be available to enforce the rule.
   
   
4. Consequences should be stated in the rule. State rules in a positive manner. "Please walk in the house" is better then "don't run in the house". "Curfew is 11 PM" is better then "if you're not here at 11 PM no more dates". Stating rules in a positive manner may help the parent focus on the positive behaviors of the child. Remember, catch the child being good. Use the ticket system whenever possible. Rules should specify what behaviors are expected, and what the consequences are for the rule breaking and rule keeping behavior. This leave no room for misunderstanding by the child or the parent.
   
   
5. Rules should be as few as possible. Also, rules should be changed or eliminated when it becomes clear that a rule is not appropriate or not effective. Rule changes can be discussed at a family meeting.
   
   
6. At the family meeting, rules can be determined. While each member of the family may have input into what the rules are, the final decision for a rule lies with the parents.

Consistency by the parent helps the child feel secure. New rules are more easily established when the old rule has been consistently enforced. Less testing of other rules is needed when the parent has established that he will enforce the rules consistently. A child gains security from being able to predict consequences. A child feels safe when routines are established. A consistently enforced rule establishes routine. A child is free to explore the world around him, to try out his skills, to try out new endeavors when he feels secure at home. Predictability increases security. Testing rules uses energy. Consistency in enforcing rules reduced needed testing, thus freeing a child's energy to grow and learn. Be a leader during the time the child needs leadership and you will be their friend when it is friendship time.